The Never-ending Poo

IMG_6166Please do not read this is you are about to eat or have just eaten. You will find this hilarious I’m sure but if will put you off your food. Right warning over this is the story of the Never-ending Poo! There once was a little baby called Reuben who’s Daddy thought he’d done a tiny poo. Baby Reuben was playing a very nasty and horrible trick on his Daddy though. That little poo was the calm before the storm and Reuben’s Daddy was not prepared for this.

So I’ve changed countless nappies now, I’ve been pissed on and I’ve had my hands covered in poo. I have passed the right of passage of every parent now. I’ve changed the odd nappy mid poo and I’ve been able to leave said nappy on while Reuben finishes said poo. All is good, I’ve been thinking I’m pretty good with this whole nappy changing now. With Poppy we weren’t able to change her nappies due to all the wires so I was so so nervous doing Roo’s. Friend’s are saying that you’ll be able to do it one handed, in the dark and I thought rubbish.He moves, he wriggles it doesn’t go on correctly. Now I’m a nappy master, mainly by accident and by learning from my mistakes. Always make sure it’s done right oh boom you have leakage.

So back to the night in question. I’m home from work and Reuben has woken up so while Emily prepares him a bottle I start to change his nappy. Being all cocky and confident I thought I’ll do it on our foot stool, stuff the changing mat that is only a few meters away from me. All is good, open the nappy up and oh tiny poo. Double check he’s finished and all seems clear down below. So I do the old trick of wipe up some of the mess with the nappy and close it up. Then rather that leave said nappy there while I put the new one in place I pull the old one out. One of the sticky tabs is stuck to Roo so a little tug and it’s loose. But this triggered something else, something much worse. The poo wasn’t over, the poo was far from over.

Roo is pooing so the old, closed nappy is back under his bum. His legs are still in the air thank god. But this poo is coming out at speed and the flat nappy surface is filling up like a burst water main has gone in the street. Oh and the smelll, OMG it just got to me. I’ve done countless nappy changes but this now pool of poo is just sitting there and the smell was just unbearable. Cue Emily walking back in and diving in with a much needed second pair of hands. I’m down to one hand that is holding the old nappy in place, The other is still holding Roo’s legs in the air hoping that they don’t splat into the poo and create a monster tidal wave of mess.

Parenting team work at it’s best now. Emily has my already unfolded new nappy in and and while I remove the old one like a magician doing the table cloth trick, she’s got the new one under. But the sides were too flappy and it’s in the poo, the flap is now on the foot stool. Cue a quick movie but we have poo going on us. But but it’s over the poo has stopped and now we just have to clear up. We wipe Roo, his bum, his legs, the foot stool and our hands. Praise the lord for nappy sacks, the old nappy is in one along with a million baby wipes. 

Now at this point I’d have thought we’d be in a state of shock and freaked out ness. Nah we are laughing so much at this. I can honestly say it was one of the funniest things we’ve had happen with Reuben. I don’t know if because we lost Poppy we just are so grateful he’s here that whatever crazy shit that happens, and that was a crazy shit, we’ll just get on with. It is safe to say that you are never a nappy changing expert because that small little human of yours will be thinking of more cunning ways to create some trouble.

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