So here we are on our first family holiday but like always something is missing. You.You are always missing from our lives and there is always a first that you should do that we stumble into. Right now it is our first family holiday.
This week marks your little baby brother’s first holiday abroad. While it is going to be an incredible week and an amazing time with him, there is a small touch of sadness that you aren’t here. Would this be your first holiday abroad or would this be your second?
Daddy is sat here now while Mummy and Roo have an afternoon nap. A calming sea breeze blowing past. A line of palm tress directing me to the sea as I look out to the dark blue ocean. I’d swim across the ocean to see you again. To bring you here to have your first holiday in the sun.
Would you have been as unsure as Roo was in the pool for the first time? Would you have loved splashing around in it? How I wish I could take your little perfect hands and stroll across the golden shores, sand between our toes, on out way to dip our feet in the sea.
It’s not fair that you aren’t here with us. To the world it looks like we are just a family of 3 on holiday and not the family of 4 that we are. While we take you with us I our hearts and while we will write your name in the sand it is not the same.
It hurts knowing I’ll never see you play in the sand and splash your feet in the sea. All the first holiday moments we should have had together. It makes me want to saviour every one with Reuben so much more. Longing to have my two children here with me.
Would you have had a lie in in the mornings? Or would you be going me and Roo on a morning adventure while Mummy catches up on here sleep. All these restless dreams swirling round in my head. All these what ifs and what should have beens.
We will leave our footprints in the sand just like you have left your footprints on our hearts.
I wish you were here with us little one.
Always in my thoughts, forever in my heart.
Love Daddy xxxx