One of the biggest fears I’ve had since Poppy died is people forgetting her. I think it is one of the most common fears you can have, along with; will this happen again. It is a fear that it’ll only be Mummy & Daddy that remember your angel. That is why other people saying Poppy’s name or acknowledging her in some way means so much to me. It makes my heart happy to see her included by other people, to know that they think about her too.
As time goes on after Poppy I’m sure people will find it hard to say her name to me. For fear of upsetting me or scared of what I might say back might make them uncomfortable. While saying Poppy’s name might make me sudden break down and cry with sadness, it will also make my cry tears of joy. Joy for her being remembered, for having her name spoken. I’ll never forget Poppy and not saying her name makes me feel you have. It’s why it is so important to raise awareness of baby loss so people can feel more at ease talking about it and to a bereaved parent about their angel.
When Poppy first passed away she was always going to be on people’s minds and in their thoughts. She was included, as she should, in Christmas cards we received. She even had little presents bought for her. Having someone be so thoughtful to go out and buy something for Poppy is so truly amazing and means the world. It reminds me that she has touched other people’s lives and they remember her too. Some of our oldest friends bought Poppy a snow globe for Christmas the year she passed away. It was such a lovely and thoughtful gift that we still adore now. We always save it for Christmas and we bring it out to help decorate her grave with. Always winding it up when we go and see her. Our god children also wrote Poppy a little note that again meant so much to us. While they might not fully understand what has happened to Poppy, for them to be encouraged to do something for her warms my heart.
Sometimes it can be something so small and simple and yet that can mean the most to you. Just having someone remember Poppy and be as thoughtful as to get her something is awesome. We had it with Roo’s first Christmas, my cousin sent both Poppy & Roo decorations for the tree. To see her always included is so nice. She existed in the world and while we will always remember her, to see others remember her too means so much to any bereaved parent. Just over Easter some of our friends got Poppy and Roo a little Easter gift. Something again so small just means so much to you.
The fear is though that over time people outside the family will stop including Poppy. Now I’m sure that it will never be meant to hurt but it will. Just because she isn’t here with us doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be included in things. We always want Poppy remembered. Even doing something in Poppy’s name can mean the world.
Quite a few people have asked to do charity runs in Poppy’s name. This is amazing because they go out and raise money in her name for charities that want to help bereaved parents, support them and try to stop this happening to somebody else. It adds to her legacy. Creating a legacy for Poppy has been our way of trying to make sure she is always remembered as well as helping others. We started it last year by doing bake sales and doing the York 10 Mile. To have other people add to her legacy just makes me cry with happiness.
It is still a big fear that as time goes on though other people will not forget Poppy but she’ll drift away to the back of their memories. Not all people will be like that and while I get that sadly people can’t ask how she’s doing or what she’s been up too. What people can do though is include her in things. Write her name in cards, get her a birthday card, write her name in snow or sand. Just acknowledging Poppy means so much and any parent that has lost a child.
It can be so hard I think for other people to find something to give you that remembers your angel. Perhaps people are scared to get you something in case it upsets you. I can tell you that anything someone gets Emily and me for Poppy will just be loved. There are some lovely companies out there that do some incredible gifts for baby loss and rainbow babies. One of these is the Little Lenny Co.
The Little Lenny Co is a very special company. It was set up in 2017 by Lenny’s Mummy and Daddy. Their son Lenny Stephen Cross was born on 1st August 2014. He was born at 25 weeks, only weighing 2lb1oz. Despite all the medical efforts there was sadly nothing that could be done to help him. Lenny lived for 10 hours then passed away in his Mum and Dads’ arms when nothing more could be done.
To set up a company in his name is truly inspiring and creating a legacy that Lenny will be so proud of. I have so lucky to have been gifted a beautiful Baby Loss / Rainbow Baby family print by them. It was such a shock and beautiful gift to receive. I’d been told about them by a friend from school and had been pondering getting a print for Emily. All the prints they do for Baby Loss are beautiful and would mean the world to any bereaved parent.
It meant the world to receive this and Lenny’s Mum & Dad get the feelings around baby loss. The fears that people may forget but they have created a company that not only gives Lenny a legacy but his name is remembered. Not only that they allow other bereaved parent’s children to be remembered in the incredible gifts they do.This is truly a special company that while set up after such a heartbreaking event can go on and give a small treasure to another family that has suffered the same heartbreaking tragedy.
It is so important that not only the parents but other people remember babies that have left us too soon. They might have only been with us a short time but their impact on the world can and should go on for as long as we do. They should never be forgotten and while you may find it hard to say their name just think what it does to the bereaved parent when you don’t say their name.