Letter To Poppy 11-04-18

Dear Poppy,

We did it baby girl. We had your inquest and we got through it for you. It has been such a hard few days, so painful having to relive it all and so overwhelmingly emotional. Its really taken it out of Mummy and me. It was all worth it because it was for you my darling.

Mummy was the first to speak and she was so so brave. She did you proud baby, like she always does. She got up there and did it, despite all the hurt and pain Mummy did it. I’m so so proud of her and if I had have been asked I would have done the same baby.

It was so hard hearing in detail all the points of view and events that led to you being born so poorly. As we sadly thought while Mummy was being monitored on the CTG it was discontinued when it shouldn’t have been. It should have carried on and been looked at by a Doctor. If that had happened then you’d still be here with us. It’s so hard to think that something so simple is the reason you are not here with us. If I could go back in time and say something, to make what should have happened, happen I would. I’d do it in a heartbeat so you could be here with us. It was so emotional hearing that. Knowing we didn’t imagine things, knowing what we thought went wrong was what happened.

The lovely consultant that cared for you in Leeds was there and I found her speaking the hardest. It took me back to that precious time we had together. It took me back to the pain I felt, to the loneliness I felt when it was just me by your bed side. When Mummy should have been with us but was stuck in another hospital. To hear all the pain you were suffering with so bravely. I was so sad hearing all this but it also reminded me how brave you were. How incredible you were through it all. You taught me so much about strength and bravery in those days darling. I’m so proud to be your Daddy.

While this inquest was so hard for Mummy and me sweetheart it allowed us to add to your legacy. We were awarded a Prevention Of Future Death’s order. The hospital has been advised to take steps and add things to their guidelines to stop this happening again. To stop any other family having to go through the heartbreak of the death of their precious baby. You’ve done this Poppy, you are going to help other babies have the life you should have.

It has been so tough darling, so many tears have been cried. But we did this for you and we have done it for you. We have added to you legacy to help other babies and parents. I will always miss you Poppy nothing will change that. Nothing will ever change how proud of you I am and how much I love you.

Always in my thoughts, forever in my heart.

All My Love Daddy xxxx

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